Skydiving Songs & Poems

"The Hustler"

Originated by Bev Galloway
Additional verses by Dan Poynter

To the tune of "Bimini"


The sixth world meet. she started out slow.
The winds were high and the clouds were low.
When the weather cleared, it was too late,
the whole damn meet was a weather date.

(Chorus:)
Oh, I wanna jump in the hus-i-ler.
This chute is beautiful.
I'm tired of crashing and burning,
in a T-U, in a T-U.

The U.S. team, they have no fear.
All of them smoke, and all of drink beer.
Stay out each night 'till quarter past three...
They plan to win on strategy.

(chorus)

Our friend Loy Brydon worked very hard.
'Till he invented the double-T.
Along came P.I.; cut some more from her.
And now they call it the hus-i-ler.

(Chorus)

The P.C. opening is a sight to see.
"Malfunctionitis" in a lo-po canopy.
A drop and pop or thirty second delay.
Damn P.C. openings scare the students away.

(Chorus)

The crossbow is the chute for me.
it is nearly as good as the new P.C.
I have given both a thorough test,
and I'm satisfied with second best.

(chorus)

The suspicious nature of the P.C.A.,
makes you wonder if they're throwing your money away.
The P.C.A. commissioner said "absurd".
made his get-a-way in a thunderbird.

(chorus)

I get in a card game with the West Point Cadets.
A lousy pair of deuces was the best I could get,
so I hock my plane ticket for the money I lack.
I'll use the sail wing to get me back.

(Chorus)

Lyle Cameron is the editor of a jump publication.
To the skydivers of the world he tries to give an education.
He sells many copies, that is easily seen,
of his "Yellow journal Jump magazine".

(Chorus)

I made my first jump at Orange this year.
When my chute up I was frozen with fear.
Maybe the riggers were playing a prank.
'Cause over my head was a twenty-six gore blank.

New Chorus:
Oh, I wanna jump a hus-i-ler.
This chute is beautiful.
I'm tired of landing downwind
in a P.C., in a P.C.

"The Pelican Song"

by Mule Ferguson

To the tune of "Jamaica Farewell"


Down the way where the jumpers say.
That the Pelicans are quite a lot.
They jump from morn to night.
When you become a Pelican, you've reached the top.

(Chorus)
And I'm glad to say I'll never change my ways.
I'm a Pelican all the way.
My heart is bound...I'll never put them down.
Pelican...'till I'm on the ground.

All the way from Main to Florida,
everybody comes to attend the meets.
You'll never find a more serious bunch.
But when it comes to clowning
they're all like geech.

(Chorus)

Down to Florida they did go.
With their P.C.'S to steal the show.
They let Tinker out to do his track.
And all they brought was a chicken back.

(Chorus)

Where they say you-all with a southern drawl.
In South Carolina we had this meet.
The Pelicans were in force.
And the demolition team was hard to beat.

(Chorus)

Anywhere they go under the clear blue skies.
They jump all day 'till the sun goes down.
When the jumping done, it's time for fun.
In any beer joint they can be found.

(Chorus)

"Three Pins on My Ripcord"

To the tune of "Three Coins in the Fountain"



Three pins on my ripcord.
Each one twisted and bent awry,
Caught in the cones so snugly.
I think that I'm gonna cry.

My reserve is useless,
Stuffed with rags and comic books.
I didn't care about safety,
Only with neat appearing looks.

Three cars on the drop zone,
One of them due for a surprise,
When through its top I go plunging.
Screaming out of cloudy skies.

"Unsafe"

Anonymous

To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean"


My helmet's a world war I relic.
My boots are three sizes too big.
I give everybody the willies,
when I strap on my rusty old rug.

Chorus:
Unsafe, unsafe, and unsafe jumper am I, am I,
Unsafe, unsafe, and unsafe jumper am I.

One day a nervous first jumper,
remarked at my great deal of nerve.
I told him that only a coward,
would bother to wear a reserve.

(Chorus)
My capewells are very corroded.
My risers are frayed all to hell.
Because of the burns and blown panels,
my chute doesn't open too well.

(Chorus)

I do not believe in long freefalls.
Ten seconds, or so, is enough.
Up 500 feet when I exit;
it's great, but the landings are rough.

(Chorus)

"Where I must Go"

by Jon Guigard

A variation of "Baby the Rain Must Fall".



Some men must climb mountains.
Others must sail the sea.
Some must fly above in the sky.
They are what they must be.

(Chorus)
Baby, the rain must fall.
Baby, the wind must blow.
Wherever my heart leads me.
Baby, that's where I must go.

Now I'm not rich or famous.
But who can ever tell?
Who knows where I'm headed?
Maybe heaven, maybe hell.

(Chorus)

Some men must climb mountains.
Others must sail the sea.
Some fly like birds way up in the sky.
They are what they must be.

(Chorus)

Now I'm not rich or famous.
But who can ever tell?
Maybe I'll make the U.S. team.
Or maybe, I'll go to hell.

New Chorus:
Baby, the rain must fall.
Baby, the wind must blow.
Wherever weather is jumpable,
Baby, that's where I must go.

"Wind Gets in Yours Eyes

To the tune of "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes."


They asked me how I knew,
my wind line was true. Oh, oh, oh...
I of course had known,
that the plane had flown,
Strictly on its own.

They said someday you will find,
Jumpmasters are blind, Oh, oh, oh...
You must realize,
while falling through the skies,
wind gets in your eyes.

So I chafed them and I gaily laughed.
To think that they could doubt my spot.
Yet today, the targets far away...
I'm hung up in a tree.

Now new friends laughing with glee,
have got me from this tree.
So, I smile and say,
on a long delay,
wind gets in your eyes.

WIND...GETS...IN...YOUR...EYES!

If I only had a Main

(to the tune of the Wizard of Oz song
"If I only had a Brain"

My container's really flashy
Reserve is kinda sassy
My gearbag is the same,
My gloves match my goggles,
Match my jumpsuit, match my toggles
If I only had a main.

I'd be agreat skydiver
My skills they would inspire
They all would know my name
I'd be on every 4-way
On the step or in the doorway
If I only had a main.

You can make it any color
Neon bright or even duller
Pure white and really plain
All I'm lacking is the money
I'd be such a hot sky bunny
If I only had a main.

Imitari

(to the tune of "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah)


I was jumping Imitari
I was floater I was sorry
I was smashed in to the doorway
Cuz they wanted to drag off the stupid 4-way.

I'm not kidding I'm not lying
I would rather Be free-flying
I've got bruises And contusions
And I think I lost a shoe in the confusion.

Give me room, you greedy mothers, give me room
Forget about the perfect base
How can it work when grips were taken
On my face?

Now they're jumping DC-3's
And I'm begging on bruised knees
Put me last out, let me solo
If I float again I might just take up polo!

Lost Prairie Pilot's Song

(to the tune of Four Leaf Clover)

I'm flying over, the L.P. clover
That I've over-flown before;
The first load was students, the second freestyle,
The third was a bad spot, they missed by a mile.

There's no need complaining
Cause now it's raining
It's beer that I'm reaching for.
I'll be puking over, the L.P. clover
That I've over-flown before!

Neon Suits

(to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Neon suits, neon mains
Glad my reserve is white
If I pulled my ripcord handle
I might have died from fright.

Neon suits, neon mains,
Hot purple, lime and pink
Twardo just wears solid blue
We think he's a boring dink.

On neon suits, neon mains
AggieDave think he's hot
We can watch his colors fade,
His canopy has sun rot!

The Chauvinist Pig Team


The Chauvinist Pig Team we call them,
The Chauvinist Pig Team they are,
With swear words and bad breath,
Big egos, wet armpits,
And jumpsuits that smell like manure.

We watch as they Z out the airplane,
We watch as they take out the star,
And after they get down, they still try and tell us
What wonderful jumpers they are.

He's constantly pulling his pants down,
The reason we don't really know -
We pitythe fool, trying to show off his tool,
Cuz two inches just ain't much to show.

They talk about how dumb the broads are,
And how all we can do is screw
But what they don't realize is, men are no better,
For fucking will usually take two!

And now that we have your attention,
There's something we'd like to say:
You chauvinist pigs can complain all you want,
But in skydiving, we're going to stay!!!

This Man is your Man

This man is your man, this man is my man,
From Skydive Coolidge to the L.P. DZ
From any bedroom to the DC-threeee
This man will sleep with you or me.

This man is your man, this man is my man,
From stealing your slot to falling low on me.
From pointing fingers, to downright lying -
This man will NEVER take the blame!

This man is NOT ours, and NEVER will be.
He's ALWAYS been slime, and ALWAYS will be!
From the beiseker Hilton, to the Saddletramp Inn,
This man's NOT FIT for you OR me!!

Tra La La Boom Deyay

Tra la la boom deyay
I made a jump today.
It was a 40-way,
Nothing went quite my way.

Tra la la boom deyay
I took it out today
In just a tiny way,
It wobbled anyway.

Tra la la boom deyay
I'm buying beer today
Before I move away,
That's all I have to say.

Windy

(to the tune of Wendy)


Who's backing up as far as Alberta,
Who's going to land somewhere in B.C.?
Who's getting dragged across the runway?
Everyone knows its Windy.

Who put a brick inside the windsock,
And told manifest the winds were 15?
Who's in the plane going backwards on jump run?
Everyone knows its Windy.

We're looking at hurricanes,
They're tying down all the planes,
But Windy, she has no brains,
She's backing up ...
Across the sky ...

(repeat first verse)

You are my Base

(to You are my Sunshine)

You are my base, dear, My only base, dear
You are so heavy
You fall like lead
We'll never know, dear, If we can catch you
Cause we float above you instead!

The other night, dear, As we lay sleeping
We dreamt we had you
In our grip
But when we jumped, dear, It was a funnel
You're so heavy, you sink like a ship.

Your Leg was Broken

(Morning has Broken)

Your leg was broken on your first skydive
We heard you screaming, like a baboon
You are a wimp, you are a baby
You are a pussy, what's wrong with pain?

Your dick was broken on your next skydive.
We saw you grab it, instead of the cord.
We thought it funny, and yes, we laughed,
Cuz how your dick looked pulled from your crotch.

You are dismembered, you are a eunuch,
Born of a new breed of jumpers today.
You get no blowjob. Can't even jack off!
You're just been ripped off, in the worst way!

We're the Crack Choir

(to The Battle of New Orleans)
(sing slower than normal to be understood)

In 1991 we came to Kalispell
To jump with you and drink with you and raise a little hell.
We've got some songs for you we know you'll like to hear
But the price of the concert is, you owe us all a beer!

Chorus
We come from Arizona and we come from California,
Manitoba and Saskatchewan, Alberta and B.C.
We're the minority, a skydiving sorority
We're the Crack Choir and we've quite a sight to see.

We learned the lessons that the past had to teach.
We won't do any nude jumps out of Elevator's Beech!
The wagon wheel's gone so we can't hang upside down
But the girls of the Choir are the most fun around.

Chorus

WRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE

(to the tune of Stuck in the Middle With You)


WELL I KNOW JUST WHY I CAME HERE TONITE
NEED THAT DIAMOND GOTTA GET IT RIGHT.
OVER THERE I SEE THE BASE PIN
WHEN THEY GET THE WEDGE I'M COMIN' IN.
NYLON TO THE LEFT OF ME, NYLON TO THE RIGHT
HERE I AM - WRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU
HERE I AM - WRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU

NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO
I'M IN QUICKLY SPINNING MAL WITH YOU.
SHOULD WE RIDE IT SHOULD WE CUT IT AWAY?
WE'RE AT TEN GRAND AND IT'S HARD TO SAY.
JACK KNIFE IN MY LEFT HAND, ZAK KNIFE IN MY RIGHT
HERE I AM - WRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU
HERE I AM - WRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU



HARD OPEN'S WHAT WE'RE GETTING

SO WE STAY ON AIRPLANE HEADING YEAH. (do do do do....da-do do do do.....)

NASSERED HARD INTO THE SLOT

NOW JUST LOOK AT WHAT WE GOT.


we said We ee ee ee eeeeee


we said We ee ee ee eeeeee


WELL IT ONLY TOOK A SECOND OR TWO
WE DECIDED WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
WE LOOKED AND THEN WE COUNTED TO THREE
CUT AWAY AND WE WERE FALLIN FREE.
ONE DUDE ON THE LEFT SIDE, ONE DUDE ON THE RIGHT
HERE I AM - DOIN' A TWO WAY WITH YOU
HERE I AM - DOIN' A TWO WAY WITH YOU

WE TURNED AND STARTED TRACKIN AT THREE
JUST HOW HARD WILL THIS OPENING BE?
PULLED THE SILVER HANDLE AND WHAM!
RESERVE CANOPY OH MAN.
RISERS ON THE LEFT OF ME, RISERS ON THE RIGHT
HERE I AM - RIDING RESERVE WITH YOU
HERE I AM - RIDING RESERVE WITH YOU



WELL WE HAD THIS BIG FORMATION

WAS THE BIGGEST IN THE NATION HUH. (do do do do....da-do do do do.....)

WE KNEW WE'RE GONNA WRAP

WHEN IT STARTED GOIN' TO CRAP


we said Je ee ee ee eeeezzz


we said Je ee ee ee eeeezzz


NOW THAT WE'RE ADDICTED TO CREW
THERE'S ON MORE THING WE GOTTA DO.
GOTTA GET ANOTHER BASE PIN
USED THE RAVEN TWO'S AND SLAMMED THEM IN.
DACRON ON THE LEFT OF ME, DACRON ON THE RIGHT
HERE I AM - ANOTHER BI-PLANE WITH YOU
HERE I AM - ANOTHER BI-PLANE WITH YOU

THIS COOL JUMP ISN'T OVER JUST YET
THERE'S ONE MORE THING WE GOTTA GET.
TURNED IT TO THE AIRPORT TO SEE
IF WE COULD HIT THAT PIT OF PEAS.
HONKED IT TO THE LEFT, THEN HONKED IT TO THE RIGHT
HERE I AM - DEAD CENTRE LANDING WITH YOU
HERE I AM - DEAD CENTRE LANDING WITH YOU

CAN'T FIND OUR FREEBAGS CUZ WE CUT 'EM FREE
BUT OUR BUDDIES FOUND THEM STUCK IN THE TREES.
GOT OUR RIGGER AND WE PACKED UP AGAIN
GEARED UP AND THEN WE JUMPED IN THE PLANE.
WING SPAN ON THE LEFT OF ME, WING SPAN ON THE RIGHT
HERE I AM STUCK IN THE OTTER WITH YOU
HERE I AM WRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU
HERE I AM DOIN' A TWO WAY WITH YO
HERE I AM RIDING RESERVE WITH YOU
HERE I AM DEAD CENTRE LANDING WITH YOU
HERE I AM STUCK IN THE OTTER WITH YOU........

The Ballad of Skylar Buzz

On this day in 62, Skylar Buzz invented CREW
PC downplane, hook to Roo, I cut away, Skylar should of too.

At 50 feet he was heard to shout
No problem, Don't worry! I can get out.

Alas he was wrong on that fateful day
As he hit the ground, the crowd turned away.

The earth did heave with a mighty quake
A wet thud resounded with Skylars mistake.

The men were sad and the women cried
The day that Skylar said good-bye.

He's buried here on this hollowed ground

At the very spot where his body was found.

So remember my children when you are doing CREW
The spirit of Skylar flies with you.

Canopy Wrap


Last on on the airplane wearin their jeans
Everybody knows just what that means.
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

Downplane, Pinwheel, Side by side
Come along boys we're going for a ride.
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

Diamond just funneled, what a mess!
This is what I call extreme duress.
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

Another bad spot, if you know what I mean
So far out we weren't even seen.
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

Sew up your mains and pack your reserves
You are only gettin' what you deserve.
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

Flesh and bone and nylon and lines
You're bonding with friends it's quality time.
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

Snake to accordian, Hook to Roo
We're not scared we're doin' CREW
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

Tear in the topskin's getting bigger,
Guess its time to see my rigger
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

I can't sing and I can't dance,
But at least I'm not from France
Canopy wrap, canopy wrap

On top of Old Perris


This one is to On Top of Old Smokey ...


On Top of Ol' Perris
Way Up Off the Floor
I lost my best lockup
He rolled out the door

Ass over teakettle
Tumble and flail
No lockup on this dive
But maybe a tail

He threw through his armpit
Cracked meaner than sin
A pilot would hav'ta track down
To get to that pin

Hey! He's flying to the diamond
But he's facing away...
The asshole's on backwards
Break it down, get away

He flew to the DZ
Never cut it away
His landing was ugly
I hope he's OK

Way up over Perris
Way up off the floor
I lost my best lockup
He rolled out the door

Shoes


This one is to that old Carpenter's song,
"Close to you"

Why are shoes hanging from the wires
Look there's one ... in the sun
Must be CReW, no other shoe
Lands like you

Why are shoes scattered in the street
And there's no one, with barefeet!
Must be CReW, no other shoe
lands like you

On the day that CReW was born
The sky gods got together
And decided to create a diamond too
So it's soft and gentle to the dock
With inside first while hollering "Yahooooo"
{talk} Incoming, Yahooooo

That is why parts fall from the sky
When the CReW gods go flying by
Must be CReW no other shoe
lands like you

Must be CReW no other shoe
lands like you

Diamonds In The Sky


Written during the Diamond Quest
('97 world record attempts)

Sung to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

We've come to Texas
To Whitewright Texas
To build a diamond kite

The CReW dogs came from
around the world
A record in our sight

The Casa's climbing,
The trail plane's boarding
The Caravan's in flight

Oklahoma
Is below us
We know that can't be right

(Chorus)
Don't wanna wrap, don't wanna wrap
Don't wanna wrap, don't wanna wrap

With Rich our pilot
Our mighty pilot
He guides us on our flight

The wings and lockups
Are on approach
They've gotta keep it tight

In the blue sky
The mighty dimaond
Is building almost right

After starburst
Where is the DZ?
We're looking left and right

(Chorus)

Electric fences
Surround the landing
The farmer wants to fight

The pick-ups crowded
We pile in and
Make sure to hold on tight

We've worked so hard
We've come so far
We can't give up the fight

We can do it
We know we'll do it
Let's go and get it right

(Chorus)

Can Can


Written and sung during the Women's
CRW world record attempts.

mainly by Audrey Alexander, Cheryl Michaels,
Wendy Faulkner and Karen Young.


Can Can Can we build a diamond
Can we build it bigger
Can we build it
Can Can Can Can Can Can Can Can

Will it be a 17-way
Will it be a 20
Will we beat it
Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock

Dirt Dive Tina's in the bathroom
Everybody's waiting
Someone's shouting
Run run run run run run run run

Cam Cam Cameras in our faces
Cameras on our bellies
Cameras up our
Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam

Practice exiting the aircraft
Walking to the right slot
Judges check us
Check check check check check check check check

Brad Hood dresses up the pilot
Strapping on a camera
Will she roll it
Dust and tumble, legs a flying

"Now girls", says our mother Lilian
Let us look like ladies
Cross those legs and
Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock

Can can can I fly the pink chutes
Can I stand the pink sweats
Can I clean it
Pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink

Can can can I do my wing dock
Can I do my lockup
Can I stick it
Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock

Cheryl's steering the formation
But its getting heavy
So we're turning
Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock

5 grand, time to do a breakdown
Last one is approaching
Wave her in and
Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock Dock

Count to 5 and then we drop her
Got to drop in order
Let her go and
Drop me drop me drop me drop me

Can can can I land it standing
Can I land it sliding
Can I land it
Tumble tumble roll roll roll roll

Big poof,
Fields are oh so dusty
Dawn's a little rusty
Thump and tumble, roll roll roll roll

Landing after a new record
Mike is in the center
Wrapped up in our
Pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink

Our men really are the greatest
Linda is fantastic
And we love you
Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss

The Phantom Tenth Man
by Jim Rogers

Flying Fred had cratered in
A week ago and now and then
We saw the spot where he'd been killed
The hole in the ground had just been filled.

It made us stop and it made us think
But we shrugged our shoulders and drank our drinks;
We knew the score when he got his:
Jumping from planes is a dangerous biz.

Fred had given up students and he'd given up style
And he only saw the target every once in a while.
Most of the time he walked country roads
Having just come down from an eight-man load.

Time and again we'd heard Fred say,
"Now save a place, 'cause on the day
That this state sees a ten-man fly
I'm closing tenth before I die."

Well, thinking of what we'd heard Fred say
We decided to hold a memorial day.
The first ten-man still gleamed in our eyes
So on this day we'd give it a try.

With chewing gum and refrigerator tape
We put our Beech into real good shape.
The pilot grinned at the dripping oil
Then strapped on a rig and said, "Let's roll."

The Federal Man thought otherwise;
He threw the book and said, "Look you guys,
You bounced old Fred when you were up last time;
The tenth man stays, You're going with nine."

With tears in his eyes someone got off the load,
Threw his gear in the trunk and drove off down the road.
With thirty-six jumps he'd have probably done fine
But Fred would be happy if we got the first nine.

The Beech took off in a black smoke cloud
Just under the wires and over the crowd!
Spectators ducked and faces got white
And we didn't breathe 'til we were in flight!

We were two hours late when we hit twelve-five
And the pilot yelled with fear in his eyes,
"Get ready you guys, we're going on in
'Cause we're out of gas! Better check my pins!"

"Man in the door!" came a muffled shout,
I was typing my shoes when the base fell out;
The pin was gone, then three, then four,
And then there was nothing but me and the door!

I dove head low, someone's boot in my mouth;
The prop blast hit as I flew out;
Tumbling plane overhead, falling bodies below,
Stable at last, but a long way to go.

I tracked so hard that I couldn't stop,
My breath was gone and my eyeballs popped!
Drilled a hole in a cloud and started to flare,
And when I came out the star was there.

I got a good grip and the star was round;
One eye on the needle and one on the ground
We started to break when we heard a yell
And across from me was a face from hell!

Trailing red smoke from an M-18
A phantom tenth man appeared on the scene!
We wanted to break but found we could not.
Our grips froze tight when he hit the slot!

I'll swear to this day it was Flying Fred,
He had surplus gear and his eyes were red!
With a laugh you could hear and a wave of his hand
He broke off the star just over a grand!

Nobody waved and nobody tracked,
The trees got so big we just unpacked!
Reserves went by! Out flashed my own!
But that red smoke flew towards the ground.

Out by the peas was the Federal Man
Timing low pulls with a watch in his hands.
Came the lowest pull of all that day
Because Phantom Fred was heading his way.

With a grinning laugh and a blast of wind
In a cloud of smoke Fred brought it on in!
Lightning flashed and thunder rolled!
When the smoke cleared away, there was just a hole.

White reserves started landing there,
The Beech was down in a field somewhere
The FAA didn't like all this;
The man staggered off to file a near miss.

We all looked at the hole; then we all shook hands.
It was legal now, our first ten-man.
Where Fred had gone we couldn't say
But our witness was the FAA.

That night over a beer we thought of a way
To salute Flying Fred's Memorial Day.
Where that smoke bomb hit, now a marker stands,
It says, "Boys, I was with you on your first ten-man!"