ChrisJulsen

I am 45 and made my first jump July 2018. I always wanted to try it but was terrified of heights. It was almost like I lost a bet to do it. I and some of my coworkers went to Twin Peaks after work, and I thru the idea out there. I was hoping they would all say, the hell with you white boy, you're crazy. Than I could at least say I tried and be off the hook of going. It had to be the other damn redneck at the table that said I want to go too. I was thinking oh shit, but hoped he would forget about it. Every day at work, he would ask if I got it all set up. Now, Im worried, because I cant get out of this. So, we are set up to jump on saturday, and friday night was the worst night of trying to sleep, I think I ever got. I couldnt eat the next morning, and it was a good thing I didnt. We are at the dz, and we went thru the filling out of the paperwork, you know, in case you die. We than have a video to watch. After that my tandem instructor is going thru everything and I am trying to act like I am cool. I remember looking at my altimeter and at 10k, they open the door and Im not f#$king ready to do this yet!! It was 3 that for whatever reason were jumping at that altitude. We get to our altitude, and i dont remember anything the instructor said on the ground. I dont remember seeing anyone jump before us, I dont even rembering my videographer climbing outside. All I remember was the door was open, and we were getting closer to it. I was literally shitting bricks right now, but I wasnt going to make youtube, with me sobbing like a little child. I had zero altitude awareness, and I didnt save our lives. Jeremy decided to make an aggressive turn, and I told him I would throw up all over him. We made it to the ground and I was paper white, and dry heaving. Here comes my videographer asking me if I would sign up to go again!! Im thinking no way in hell am I ever coming back, and I replied sure!! I even paid for the next jump and still wasnt going back. We went back 2 weeks later, because now I was pissed. I wasnt going to let this beat me, and I was determined to at least have altitude awareness and deploy our canopy. It took me about 10 jumps before I stopped being completely terrified of the door, and now I am addicted.

Update: I went to the wind tunnel the following wednesday, and worked on moving forward during freefall, and also my staying stable during deployment. I had another one of my usual rough diving exits, and for a moment thought the dive flow was fubar. I got stable, moved forward and was able to dock with my instructor a few times. I passed the dive flow and than was able to track on my next dive flow. Tracking kicks ass. I havent looked down while tracking, but it felt like I was hauling ass. I am grateful for the many skydivers that are on here and at my dz, for the advice and just being there for moral support. Thank you everyone and Blue Skies.

Thanks again y'all. A skydiver gave me some advice that Im going to try my next diving exit. An older military vet, gave me the advice to look at the wingtip and wave at the plane as I dive out. I seen my last 2 exits and I just dove straight out without presenting to the wind. More than likely I am still scared, but not as bad as my first couple. I have always been a nervous tester, even when I was in martial arts. I promise on my next few skydives, I am just going to focus on having fun vs stressing over the test. I have very good canopy skills, so good that my instructors forget which one I am, and are usually giving me directions while staring at a different student. 😂 I love skydiving. Is it normal to wonder if my rig is thinking about me too?

Actually getting stable is what I am actually good at, its the fact that when I get stable, I have this clock in my head, and I start rushing everything. I swear, i think its an imformation overload. I tried to track, once I got stable, and I dont remember to straighten my legs or pull my arms back. I also am having an issue with not seeing all my instructors hand signals. They have said with more experience, My tunnel vision will expand. I believe you are correct, that I am over thinking it. I plan on talking with the instructors at my dz, and go over my last 2 videos. I will plan to attempt to just jump and get my exits corrected, and if the exit goes smooth, than go thru the dive flow. If the exit doesnt go smooth, and if I lose too much time getting stable, than I will just enjoy the freefall and try again. I just have to try and not beat myself up when it doesnt go well. It is tough being a pessimist, but I do try and look at my positive skills. I honestly cant believe I have jumped 12 times now. After my first tandem, All I knew was I was no longer in the plane. Once we were on the ground, I was white as a sheet and thank God I didnt eat beforehand. 😂

Thank you for all the responses. After cooling off and sleeping on it, I have had time to think about it all. I have beaten the fear of this sport, and genuinely love jumping out of the plane, along with the awesome canopy rides. I even love the landings, even when i faceplant half of my landings, but am getting better at when to flare. I really think all of my problems stem from the exit. Once I can exit and ride the hill, rather than get turned over, it will allow me the time to not rush the dive flow. So, I am going to just chill, and wait until next weekend, and try and fix my exits. I am also planning on getting with an instructor at Ifly. There are 2 of them that are also skydivers from my dz, so they will know exactly my dive flow and hopefully we can correct my problems, because even though I refuse to do amusement park rides, I fricken love skydiving.

I have 12 total jumps and have overcame most of my fear of exiting the plane. I have had almost everything that can go wrong with my exits that can possibly go wrong, from spinning upside down for the first 4000 ft to diving out into barell rolls and flips. I just jumped today and failed my aff 9 which was a dive out and delta track to the instructor. I just figured out how to exit poised without ending up upside down, and now the diving exit is killing me. On this dive flow, my exit was bad from the start, and most of the freefall was just trying to get stable. We went back up for just a fun jump, basically trying to get my confidence back, and the 2nd was even worse, to the point I wasnt even altitude aware. I think what made the day worse was watching other students pass their dive flows, while I kept failing. I think I may be trying too hard to get thru the process of getting licensed that I am losing the enjoyment of the dive. I am very hard on myself, and try to see my positive traits. I am thinking this is more of a mental wall block than anything else. I think I will take a break for a few weeks, and go use my time in the tunnel. Thanks for listening.