Divalent

When I was little, a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason. Now, after devoting my life to building a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little, and we'll see how he likes it!

If you throw someone out of a pub in Ireland and they come right back in ... then it's probably just Rick O'Shea

A friend told me that his girlfriend had left him. Me: "Why?" He: "She asked who I would choose for a threesome." Me: "Let me guess: you chose one of her friends?" He: "No, I chose two of of them."

Office manager to his boss: "Can I have Thursday and Friday off next week so I can travel with my wife to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss: "Certainly not!" Office manager: "Thanks so much! I knew you would be understanding."

Father: "Son, your mother and I have some news for you. You are adopted." Son: "I knew it! So who are my real parents?" Father: "We are. Your new parents are coming by in 30 minutes to pick you up, so get packing"

I doubt anyone would find if profitable to buy this place and coast on the earnings. IMO, it would take a lot of effort to revamp the place to slow the rate at which traffic here is declining. IMO, a big problem is that the number of forums is insane relative to the number of users, which balkanizes the interesting nuggets of information/discussion. Most forums haven't had a post in months, (and when they get one, it typically gets ignored). It's sad, but I think this place's era is long gone.

Just a heads up for those of you that hang out here, but don't check out other forums:

Smart 190 reserve

A husband and wife get into a huge argument. They are calling each other names, swearing, and throwing things at each. Finally the wife grabs a suitcase and throws a bunch of the husband's clothes into it and says, "that's it, I've had enough of you! Take this suitcase and GET THE HELL OUT!" As he's leaving, she hisses at him, "I want you to be miserable for every minute of the rest of your life!" The husband pauses, looks back at his wife with a confused look on his face and says "so you want me to stay now?"

not too dramatic, but the only one I survived. :-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5gnJQybiZA

A lot of European family names were adopted from professions or actions that an ancestor was known for. Like Smith (works with metal, such as blacksmiths) or Fletcher (an arrow maker) or Thatcher (one who thatched roofs). The Dickinson’s must have an awkward family history.

{wrong thread]

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when she saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." "Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

My wife told me that she wants to donate some of her clothes to the hungry. I said whoever can fit her clothes definitely isn’t hungry. Anyway, they say the swelling will go down in a couple of days.

The fact that there is a Stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell... ... tells you all you need to know about the anticipated traffic volume.