JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

Office manager to his boss: "Can I have Thursday and Friday off next week so I can travel with my wife to visit my mother-in-law?"

Boss: "Certainly not!"

Office manager: "Thanks so much!  I knew you would be understanding."
 

A friend told me that his girlfriend had left him.

Me: "Why?"

He: "She asked who I would choose for a threesome."

Me: "Let me guess: you chose one of her friends?"

He: "No, I chose two of of them."
 

If you throw someone out of a pub in Ireland and they come right back in ...

then it's probably just Rick O'Shea

When I was little, a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

Now, after devoting my life to building a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little, and we'll see how he likes it!