planetoi

I definitely struggled with my expectations at the beginning, so you're probably right about that! I felt like I'd had an epiphany after my first tandem, as corny as that sounds. I spent all winter planning for my summer of skydiving and I was super stoked. I expected to be scared for the first one and then totally fine for all the subsequent jumps, so I guess I felt disappointed in myself for not being immediately comfortable.

Yeah, I've heard that before too. I guess I haven't accepted that yet, I'm still trying to figure it if this is worth dying over

That is part of it i think, but it's not that I'm afraid of not having the safety net, it's more like I went from my instructor doing everything for me and all i had to do was jump and have him there if i need him, to being completely on my own. I feel like I don't have the knowledge or the experience to do it on my own. Mind you, I've been a nervous wreck through all of my jumps but that's what's making this jump feel impossible whereas I could force myself to do the last ones.

See this is what's making it so hard to decide if it's worth it haha. Right now, it doesn't feel like it is but I just keep thinking about what could be on the other side if I push through.

Wow! How did you manage 50 if you weren't enjoying it?

Logically I know this, it just feels shitty to throw in the towel when I loved it so much initially. Especially since I'll go throw life knowing that I gave up for no other reason than because I was afraid.

Hey all. Warning, long post ahead. TLDR; I'm a baby skydiver with 10 jumps, fresh out of AFF. All of my jumps went great and I love the feeling of skydiving, but at the same time, I'm always thinking about how afraid I am for my next jump even when I'm not at the DZ. I'm exhausted and I don't know if I can take the anxiety anymore. I'm not sure if I should accept that maybe skydiving isn't for me or if there's anything else I can do. Looking for any advice or personal experience to help me out! I came into skydiving from a unique background. I've worked at a tunnel for years so I had about 20 hours before I ever jumped out of an airplane. I did my first tandem last summer and absolutely fell in love. I felt like I'd come home and I knew straight away I needed to do it more. I saved up for my AFF over winter and quarantine and I finally started in July. It's been 5 weeks since my course started and I graduated 2 weeks ago, except I haven't done a jump since. The problem is that I'm terrified. I really struggled with anxiety all throughout my progression, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cold sweats, felt sick, the whole works. I could never really pin-point what exactly I'm afraid of. It's not door fear, or exiting, or free fall, or landing, or gear fear or any of that. Just this abstract, visceral fear. I somehow managed to finish and now the thought of doing my first real solo (that is, my first self-supervised jump) feels insurmountable. I'm terrified and for the first time I actually feel like I CAN'T do it. I was all geared up and manifested last week and I chickened out and took myself all of the load. I decided to take some time off to get my head sorted out and possibly come back to the sport next season, but I'm so embarrassed and disappointed with myself. I love jumping once I'm out of the plane. I love how surreal the free fall feels, I love flying my own canopy, I love landing. But I'm exhausted from feeling so scared all the time, and the thought of doing another jump fills me with dread and not excitement. I don't know what to do. I don't want to fully quit but at what point do I say "okay, this isn't for me." Does anyone have any advice, or did anyone else go through something similar?