Hey Pete,
I can relate to you exactly!
After my 8th AFF jump (February of 2017), I hit a wall that I could/did not imagine would be there. I went back to this DZ numerous times and could never somehow get to manifest. This ate at me continuously and impacted literally all aspects of my life for about 15 months.
This is what I did. On May 27, 2018, I went to what is now my home DZ and met with the AFF manager to get my first re-currency jump, which was very difficult to do. BUT, he then assigned me a phenomenal and inspirational coach to get me through the AFF jumps I needed to requalify and then I continued with a number of "coached jumps" with this same coach. I chose the extra coached jumps to get me confident in knowing/bettering my exits, adjusting my fall rate, and overall just getting me to a stage where I knew I was safe for myself and other skydivers. I am sure that if you can get a few more jumps completed confidently, you will overcome this and the "joy" of this sport will truly come to light.
I am now addicted to skydiving and every weekend I am jumping.
Please don't let this apprehension set you back. Looking back, was it "fear" or a more of a "misunderstanding" of my perception of skydiving, I don't know, but I do believe your "understanding" will improve as you proceed. Find a good coach and you'll get through this and your only apprehension will be when you haven't jumped in a few days . . I hope this helps a bit - don't hesitate to comment. Be well!!
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You're only 10 jumps into this. For your "A" license, you will need some coach jumps. Discuss your fears with your instructor for these "coached jumps". I had some huge fear and non-confidence issues getting through to my A license and my instructors really helped me with the door and the ride up. I really work hard with my students that if they have any fears I will take as much time as they need to work it out on the ground. I hope you reach out to those who can help you! Be well.
